It’s all about the ‘I’
AKA being ‘Positively Selfish.’
You might be reading this title and thinking, ’what’s up with Jaz? Why is she encouraging us to be self centred all of a sudden? Or maybe, what does ‘all about the 'I’ actually mean?
I have taken this phrase out of context because everyone has their own beliefs, religious or otherwise, so we will not be discussing our relationships with God or the Universe. I am taking it for granted that everyone who has a relationship with God or interacts with the universe will automatically put that at the top of their list. Here we will be looking at how we regard ourselves and the knock on effects that this has on others. It is good to assess how we regard ourselves right at the start of the year so that we can make good progress with our goals and resolutions.
It is important to love yourself. Once you have a sense of your own importance you will gain in confidence. This does not mean that you are more important than anyone else; it simply means that you recognize your own worth. Everyone is on this earth to fulfil a purpose however great or menial that might be and remember, the top of every pyramid is only there because it is supported by the base.
Be kind to yourself... it is essential. Often we are too harsh on ourselves and too judgemental. Ultimately we are who we are and have our individual strengths & weaknesses. We usually encourage people to try and be non-judgemental towards others and we should apply this attitude towards ourselves by being a little kinder & applying understanding to our own actions. If we understand ourselves a little more we can work with the raw material!
Respect, or lack of, is the foundation underlying all relationships. If we understand ourselves we can mould ourselves into the person we wish to be and through doing so we come to respect ourselves. If we don’t respect ourselves how can others respect us? Respect is allied to knowing your own worth. There are many people who have no tact or diplomacy and trample on others, making them feel inferior in a bid to ‘get their own way.’ Occasionally other people are very nice to us and act in a friendly way because they want to make the most of our kindness and talents, switching them to their advantage.
The ‘I’ knows its limitations so do not be afraid to decide what is possible for you and what is pushing you to your limit. There are people who severely burden themselves with tasks to meet other people’s agendas, often because they like to be viewed as both helpful and possibly indispensible. Whilst helping others is commendable, we need to make sure that we are not stunting our own growth. Try drawing up your own agenda. What do you want to do? Write out actual events you wish to attend, what you would really like to be doing, courses that interest you and ways you wish to use your mind your way!! This is important to enable yourself to develop fully and once shady areas and strengths have been identified you have the basis to plan in the coming months and years.
Look at current demands. Whether it is your partner, children or friends putting demands on you, stop and evaluate whether a request is reasonable or whether someone is trying to take advantage. Realistically do you have the time to devote to a regular or one off commitment? Accept or decline accordingly and remember, some situations are open to negotiation or a little bartering. An agreeable exchange of services or skills may be beneficial all round.
Make sure that you have enough ‘ME TIME,’ very important because you need to revitalise your self with sufficient rest and have time to pursue your personal interests.
Why then is it beneficial to others when you practice being positively selfish? Firstly you will achieve more in life developing a sense of accomplishment and pleasure... leading people to respect you for who you are and not as a ‘yes’ person. The knock on effect is that when we are happy with ourselves we send out positive vibes and generally treat other people with more consideration. How much more inclined we are to shout and snap at others when we are stressed and taken for granted! When we step back a little and expect more from others it gives them the opportunity to play a proper role in our lives and increases their skills and confidence as a result. Taking proper care of yourself will make you a happier, healthier person and an inspiration to others, all positive, desirable attributes!
‘Jealousy,’ the yellow eyed monster coming next week, 29/01/12
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