Everybody has strands in their lives and I imagine our life situations as the straight strands that start in the centre, eg: work, families, hobbies, challenges etc whilst our emotions are the circular strands that hold everything together; after all it is usually our emotions that tend to go round in circles!
Understanding our emotional circles/cycles is important because emotion impacts upon our future. When bad things happen we usually try to learn from them and move on so that we forge a better path in the future. Whilst it is true that the best way to move on is to gain an understanding of our situation and draw a line under it, there are some situations that are not of our making yet we find ourselves in them. EXAMPLE: Growing up with alcoholic parents and being neglected definitely undermines confidence, so once that child reaches adulthood they need to accept the facts and create a realistic path for themselves in order to step out of the cycle. This includes deciding what parental behaviour they consider to be tolerable, how much time they wish to spend with their parents and the type of attention they are prepared to give... deep water, but a person’s responsibility is to ensure that they can swim! Whatever the situation in life, we must always take care of our own needs and this is possible without upsetting others in a balanced environment. Outside a balance environment we need to set limits!
To become strong and function well we do need to identify the invisible chains that tie us to our weaknesses. Maybe we are always drawn to the ‘wrong’ type of people who intentionally or unintentionally undermine as opposed to compliment our personalities. If we are easily swayed or not prepared to negotiate we may have created some pretty bad situations in our lives and it is good to leave these behind instead of dwelling on them. We have to let go of bad situations otherwise we are continually punishing ourselves and in so doing prevent growth. This does not mean that we are always able to forget what has happened however if we push events from our minds our minds will eventually dim our memories which enables the healing process to kick in.
I am now going to present a strange idea... letting go of the good things that we have achieved. In this category we are talking specifically about achievements. Letting go in this context means acknowledging the credit we have gained and using it to strive forward in an attempt to achieve more. It’s basically a case of not dwelling on our laurels. Sometimes we are afraid that we reached our peak with the last achievement and this fear of not being able to go a step higher actually prevents us from trying. The key is always to try harder and the sweetest success is usually the one that cost the most. The more hurdles you jumped over tend to show how important that particular success really was to you. It is always when we learn to let go of the old that we open up to embrace the new challenges available to us. This applies across the board and includes what we consider ‘failed’ relationships.
We need to maintain an open approach to our lives and make sure that we do not close doors prematurely. Sometimes we meet people and do not know what we think of them. Maybe our initial instinct is not to communicate with them. In many cases our first instinct is correct and should be followed however if you are unsure and not able to identify that instinct, try a little more communication and get a real feel for the person and what they have to offer. Remember, with technology these days we can communicate electronically and use sources such as Skype before giving out our personal phone numbers or other information.
We also need to be prepared to try new things and accept new responsibilities. It is easy to turn down an offer of responsibility but how much more rewarding is it to accept a challenge? If the last challenge you undertook was not successful, learn what you can and bury the rest! This time round make sure you do your research and engage the help of people who have appropriate skills for the job. Always be prepared to ask for help if necessary and make sure you prioritize and dedicate sufficient time to the job. Once you have proved yourself you will approach the next challenge with confidence. Likewise with relationships, watch out for familiar signs and adjust your behaviour or responses accordingly.
Take a bold approach to life and decide what you would like to embrace and what you wish to delete from your mind. You are in charge and the decisions of today become the baseline for tomorrow. The spider is pre-programmed and knows how to spin that web whereas we are in charge of our destiny. Once the web is spun the spider will have to wait as a catch is not guaranteed whereas we have the ability to make our own luck to some extend and decide which paths we wish to take.
On a final note: Let your past be your past and let the future be your bright horizon.
Jaz McKenzie
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