Pain to Gain! Live Life~Love Life WK 49

Pain to Gain... I think we are all very familiar with this expression and most of us automatically associate it with post exercise aches! I believe it has a greater universal application that we rarely take time to consider.

The first thing most of us experience in life are the crudity of birth pains; no wonder the majority of babies cry once the shock of ejection has subsided! This is just the beginning however we should learn to recognize the validity of life pain because it will return to us time and again as the years roll past. Pain was our starting point and it can be considered a living fertilizer because a good dose of pain, however difficult to cope with at the time, is essential being a bed for growth which allows us to learn new lessons and pass to the next stage. The proverbial idea of acorn to oak tree is relevant to us as individuals... we start small, learn lessons and grow in experience and wisdom.

What causes pain in our lives? Once again we are going back to the beginning. We have the pain of separation. Some would say that being human, during this lifetime we are separated from God our creator- therefore everything we experience inadvertently stems from that separation. Human independence allows us freedom to experiment in our lives, make good and bad decisions ultimately becoming the person we choose to be. There will be times when people feel separated from God whereas others do not believe in God and have made a conscious decision to create their own moral framework and work ethics. If you believe in God you will probably believe that this is a transitory period until you will be reunited for eternity. If not, this lifetime may be seen as your total existence to be fulfilled as you desire. Life is tough- a new born baby is physically separated at birth from its natural mother and has no choice as to how to handle this... on the plus side the infant is now able to bond with its entire family. A newborn’s cry is an instinctive reaction to an unknown situation and once learned is something we repeat when appropriate throughout our lives- let’s overlook gender expectations at this point! When we cry we provide a physical outlet for pain... likewise angry expression is another outlet for pain. Primal reactions give way to emotional release and we need to use them to help us move forwards. Healing and growth can follow once our emotions are back in check.
Why do we cause pain in other people’s lives? This will depend upon the individual however people who deliberately cause others pain tend to do so because of inadequacies in their own upbringing or self esteem. No time to study the nature/nurture argument! A strong person can overcome their own adversities and treat others well whereas weaker people might like to see others suffer as a result of their actions, which makes them feel stronger. This is a form of self deception and the injured party may go on to do well in life because the pain they have suffered makes them stronger. Incidents in our lives build up our coping mechanisms. They help us to identify the people who are genuinely on our side from the imposters! Pain can be used as a ‘get back at’ technique and sometimes affects people who do not deserve to be hurt... children are often affected when their parents are angry at one another and may suffer emotional deprivation as a result.

Why does love so often hurt? I think that love usually hurts because we place too high a price on it, having great and often unrealistic expectations. Those we love are people too and will make many mistakes in their lives. Love starts out as a beautiful sentiment- which can be confused with lust- and we are often too inexperienced to handle this gift properly. Many of us find love as we leave childhood and are too inexperienced to handle the highs and lows of young love. Love is an emotion we have to work with and there is no formal training to assist us! Once in a serious loving relationship, every decision you make is done so so with another person in mind and that is hard work! Even in the best relationships there will be times when love hurts. If you are lucky you can repair the damage... forgive and move on. If not, there will be consequences to face and decisions to make dependent upon the individuals concerned.

Why do people have to suffer? There is a great deal of suffering in this world. People die everyday and death itself may be painful, usually leaving pain in its wake. Grieving is a part of growth, coping with pain on a personal level or as a friend /relative teaches us things about ourselves we need to learn; even if we cannot understand it. I cannot understand why so much of the world is in severe poverty yet there are lessons for all of us to learn. As humans we cannot understand why some people have to walk miles for a cup of dirty water. This is unacceptable in our society yet it is happening everyday. Compassion is limited and blessings are in abundance yet we fail to recognize these basic facts.

Why Pain? Simply this- Pain is the ultimate expression, the ultimate challenge, the ultimate motivator. Through pain we can identify need, we can heal and we can gain a true understanding of blessings.

Jaz McKenzie

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