'EMPTY' ~ a touching, thought provoking poem by Kyillie-Ann Jones

~IB~ loves bringing new poets to your attention and today we are excited to be featuring a poem by Kyillie-Ann Jones, from Trinidad and Tobago. Kyillie-Ann much prefers to 'speak' her poems, making good use of open mic nights, however this work stands well as a written piece and tells a very sad story of loss emphasising the inability to grieve and let go. It is easy to relate to the emotional tug-of-war even if you have not been through this experience.

Kyillie-Ann Jones

 EMPTY

Verse 1

I saw her in the park.

People avoided her.

What seemed rational to her was insanity to the untrained mind.

People couldn't embrace her vision of normal, but I could see clearly

that she once some time, had a baby that she loved dearly,

 I walked over to her slowly.

I looked at the smile on her face as she pushed the empty swing.

I stood next to the swing beside hers.

She looked and me and smiled.

She raised the hand of what she imagined was her child.

I waved back at him, then I became a slave to her mind,

She pointed a little higher than my thigh and said,

‘Why don't you lift up your son and put him in?’

She watch me, I watched her, and it was like she was begging me to play her game.

I wasn't as brave as her;  I felt the deepest shame.

Then I said to myself, 'if I denied her offer then would I be saying that my baby I lost was unreal?'

But that’s not true. Just like her son is real to her, mine is real to me.

Maybe this game will make me heal- it was like a thrill Aaron was alive again!

I picked him up and I could feel him breathe.

I questioned my own sanity, but I just let go and I joined her show.

I talked about Aaron as if he really was in the swing in front of me and she…

Spoke of Teri, her sick baby that nearly died when he was a year old.

She looked at the swing and said, ‘but he is better now, he is here with me still, Teri is no longer ill....

Verse 2

She put her Hand on Terri's arms and raised him from the swing;

And I did the same- funny thing was that I could see Aaron's face as clear as day.

We set our boys down, watched, in what seemed to be an empty sand pit, our children play.

I wiped my tears away, she looked at me and touch my hair,

She put her hand on my stomach as if to say, in her own way that ’Aaron is still with you,'

She knew- I didn't really see every day what she sees

She knew- that this was the first time I saw Aaron's face,

She turned from me, picked up Terri and I watched her walk away...

Until she was gone.

I tried to walk away from the sandpit, alone-

I really wanted to go home, but Aaron cried from behind me.

I ran to him, I picked him up.

He felt so soft and warm in my arms I didn't want to say bye.

So I took him home, opened up the door-  it was him and I alone!

I told him that his daddy had gone.

What felt so right to me, the world would have thought is wrong,

I held him close to my chest.

I gave him some milk that went down my vest.

We bathed together, just like a mother would bathe her baby.

The day was done.

I took him to the empty baby room;

I switched on the light.

Everything felt so right-

I put him in the empty crib and gave him a little kiss.

I turned off the light and for the first time

I wished my son good night... 

Good night stars, good night moon, good night son- I will see you soon.

 

Kyillie-Ann Jones

(Re-formatted by Jaz McKenzie)

If you would like your poems or other art forms features on ~IB~ contact: itsbraap@live.co.uk