I recorded this yesterday having just agreed to look after all five of my Grandchildren overnight, so here is a quick account of events followed by some observations on decision making.
Firstly the girls ages are 10, 8, two 6 year olds and then we have my Grandson who is 3 at the end of the month. They are all extremely well behaved and good at entertaining themselves. The eldest, naturally, was busy on her tablet chatting with her friend and playing appropriate games, whereas, the other four enjoy playing together. They love each others company and become very excited, their joy is contagious and as a group they are well occupied and not demanding.
I think as an adult it is good to watch children play and involve yourself in their games where possible. Obviously we have our own little routines, the things we do at my home as a family which they all look forward to, and I held on to some of the toys that my Son's used to play with which they really enjoy using. They are all quite strong-minded but were able to work things out for the most part. One of them wanted to make food and decided she was a manager at McDonalds, so the rest were assigned roles. I found that interesting as I wasn't expecting 'manager' to pop up.
Another thing that really surprised me was when I woke up and they were phoning God on the tablet! Apparently it's some sort of game which I found very weird and I didn't see its value as God had little to say when dialled. I don't know the full extent of it but did see a few chakra links appearing. What it provided was an opportunity to discuss internet safety with them and we had a discussion regarding God, Heaven and specific family members who have passed on- I like 'transitioned.' The children like the idea that their family has not left them forever and they can still 'speak' to them. I don't believe in the finality of death and neither do they so they were happy that I endorsed their existing beliefs .
The other aspect I mentioned in the video concerns making instant decisions. For me, on this occasion I was happy to offer help because my Son had prior arrangements in place and unfortunately his childcare had fallen through. This does not mean I always agree to babysit, it very much depends on my situation at the time. I am a great believer in knowing your boundaries which means, if you are extremely tired, ill or have pressing matters to tend to or deadlines to meet you must put yourself first. We need to be in a relatively good place if we are choosing to help others. How you're feeling sends out its own vibration, and where the children are concerned I want them to feel welcomed and to have a good time. Whilst this is obvious, we need to have made these decisions well in advance so we know how to handle unexpected requests. If you are clear in your mind regarding your boundaries you can say no with ease in a polite but firm way when something comes up- and something always does. If you haven't taken time to think about your personal boundaries, the things you are prepared to do or will not do, you are more likely to feel 'put upon' and this will be reflected in your response.
So many if us are people pleasers. I most definitely used to be one, and the issue is that we have grown up prioritising others all of our lives so 'no' becomes a very hard word to say and mean. Even when we have dependents we need to find time for ourselves (previous blog: It's all about the 'I')- this is so important I can't stress it enough. I made the mistake of not doing so when my children were young and ended up with fairly severe depression. I may well speak more about this on another occasion and have referred to it in previous blogs and videos. You need to know who you are and embrace it- see video. What are your needs? We all have them and should do our best to serve ourselves. This is all relevant to identifying boundaries, and I think I'll make a video to provide some things for you to think about which feeds into my life coaching.
The unexpected is always going to happen. Sometimes the unexpected can be exciting, bring opportunities, show us things about ourselves we had never imagined, so it is to be welcomed. On other occasions we accept it as a challenge. Losing my job and getting Covid were two challenges that changed my life, both unexpected and testing me above and beyond anything that had happened previously. Sometimes it's the really little things that affect us deeply and we need to resort to inner resources to get through them. Maybe someone withdraws their support and that's the person you always counted on. Maybe you have far less overtime than expected or a flight is cancelled last minute. As humans we need to expect ourselves to be resourceful and find solutions, so we'll leave it there because these are all topics in themselves.
Thanks for reading and all likes, shares and comments appreciated! ~ Jaz
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