How often have you discussed a situation with your friends and said, ’I’d love to be a fly on the wall?’ We have so much curiosity about other people and the way they carry on, very often forgetting that others are observing us and as a result may see us very differently from the ways in which we see ourselves.
You may think that no-one knows you as well as yourself. In some ways this is true because others do not have direct access to your true thoughts and opinions, but likewise it may be incorrect because we often lack objectivity regarding our actions.
Question: As an individual how can we be truly objective about ourselves?
Answer: we can’t... but we can try to see ourselves as others see us... what better approach than attempting to be a fly on our own wall.
The advantage of this is that we have insider information and a clearer view of our situations so that becomes our starting point. There are two ways you can go about this; by using a pro-active approach and turning your ‘fly eyes’ on from the outset of any given situation, or working retrospectively which might be the best option until you become skilled at zooming in on yourself.
What this actually means is that you may decide to monitor your actions in a given situation at the time- or later on it may occur to you to run it through your mind and see how your words or behaviour affected other people.
In order to increase self understanding you will need to look at different aspects of your life and how you act or react. It is best to examine positive and negative situations to help identify your basic characteristics which can then be categorized as strengths and weaknesses. A good way of gaining some insight is to consider work appraisals as these are useful tools for reflection. For example, maybe you think you are a great team player but it has been brought to your attention that the rest of the team don’t see it that way. You may think that you are giving helpful advice however others might see this as interference. If this is the case you need to identify why... maybe you are joining in with conversations of your own accord and were not asked for your opinion. Try standing back and assessing people's reactions to you in different work settings. Maybe the same contributions are valued when given in staff meetings or other appropriate forums. This method may help you to change your approach and you will start to realise when you need to keep yourself in check which will help your progress.
One of the most useful aspects is that we come to understand our own behaviours. We will know what is good and should be built upon and what we deem ‘undesirable.’ The aim is that we will not keep repeating the same un-necessary actions; Point being, the same actions create the same result.
Sometimes people describe us in ways we do not recognize. People might label you as organized whereas you may consider yourself as not particularly organized. By standing back mentally and watching your actions you may realize that you are far more organized than you gave yourself credit for! You might be a patient person however through studying your behaviour find that you are less patient with some people than others. Sometimes we are aware of these things and do nothing about them. Once you identify certain behaviour patterns it gives you the opportunity to look at specific situations and evaluate the reasons for them.
Whatever situations you decide to observe whether they be social, intimate or possibly a recent job interview, you need to maintain an open honest approach and consider the contributions of all concerned in order to enhance your understanding of the outcomes.
Anytime you really wish to review your behaviour, remember... the fly on the wall has the best view!
Jaz McKenzie
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