Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Have Questions~Have Answers? #21- How often do you evaluate your friendship?

How often do we evaluate our friendships? This is not as obscure as it sounds. Evaluating friendships- why should we even consider doing something like this, after all, we know our friends don't we. Statement.

The fact is, we may think that we know our friends and believe that only good intentions surround us. If that were the case, how come so many people get hurt, suffering immeasurable pain when a friend becomes distant or aggressive in attitude? We are human and all of us prone to moods, having times when we are over-loaded with worries or stress; but true friends remain supportive through difficult times.

So how do we evaluate friendships? We go to gut instinct as it has a way of informing us quite unlike anything else. The gut speaks if we are prepared to listen. It does so through feelings more often than not. If you find you have niggling worries about something then all is probably not well.

A great tell tale sign is the way you feel when you have finished speaking to a person. If you walk away feeling emotionally drained, heavy, upset or find you constantly question your own decisions it is likely your friend is not supportive. There are cases where people like us to rely on them so that they feel important.

If someone constantly undermines your confidence they are not serving a useful purpose and you may need to distance yourself. Sometimes our relatives can do this to us so you might need to find inner reserves and start standing up for yourself.

Who are these friends that tell the tone deaf they can sing? People who cannot be truthful with you are not great friends. Telling people what they want to hear is not always a kindness however if people take pleasure in criticising you and you sense malicious intent, they definitely fit the toxic friend category.

People change. It is important to be aware of these changes and try to identify the reasons behind them, Sometimes we are the people who change and develop a different outlook on life. People may suddenly seem too narrow minded or we realise how self-centered they have become and find ourselves seeking new friendships. These natural progressions are good. Other times we may have to go through major life-changing situations in order to re-build our circles and establish our new persona's.

It is good to re-evaluate and we do not need to drop people like hot bricks unless a particularly nasty situation occurs. An awareness of how we feel about others should be all we need, enabling us to think through situations and make good, positive decisions.

Maybe it's a good time to see where you are in life and who you would like to take forwards with you because if you hold on to the wrong people you will only succeed in holding yourself back.

Jaz McKenzie

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